Mission: Find Jamil Hussein

Room 241, the Hamdelah Hamdelah Hotel, Baghdad.

EJ Team Leader: OK Team, we all know the drill. Jamil Hussein. Find him. Everybody got that? Let's go.

EJ2: Sir, I was thinking. Shouldn't we have a cool name or something? I mean, if we're going to find this guy and be on TV and everything?

EJ Team Leader: We have a name. It's IraqSlogger.

EJ2: Yes sir, that's the Website's name. Non-partisan, yet evocative. The slogging. Iraq. ... I'm just wondering if we might not want another name for the team that isn't quite so ... sloggy. Seeing as we have all this body armor and helmets and microphones and boots and stuff, and we'll be running around a bit.

EJ Team Leader: That's the kind of thinking I like. Ideas?

EJ2: I was thinking something dynamic like, "The EJectors." You know, because its going to be like we "EJected" Jamil Hussein. It has an "E" and a "J." Get it? Then, for the next episode, we can "EJect" something else.

EJ Team Leader: Hmmmm. "The IraqSlogger EJectors." That has a definite ring to it. The "E," the "J." Very results oriented. Good work, EJ2. Can we get some graphics?

EJ3: No, no wait, sir, I've got it.

EJ Team Leader: Yes, EJ3?

EJ3: Not just "the EJectors"... (pause for effect) ... "the EJectulators."

EJ Team Leader: "IraqSlogger's EJectulators." I LIKE that, EJ3. It's even MORE dynamic.

EJ2: Uh, EJ Team Leader?

EJ Team Leader: Go ahead, EJ2.

EJ2: About "EJectulators," uh ... (whisper whisper whisper).

EJ Team Leader: ... Oh. I see. Well, we're certainly not here to do that to Jamil Hussein. It's decided then. "EJectors" it is. Now, about this Hussein. You might be wondering. I know I am. Who is he, why are we looking for him, and how do we find him. Anyone?

EJ2: Well, I've put together this portfolio, sir. The AP has reported that he is a captain in the Iraqi Police. A very talkative one, apparently. Has a lot of really good stories about war crimes. But according to the United States military and the Iraqi Interior Ministry, Jamil Hussein does not exist.

EJ Team Leader: That could complicate matters. Why the heck are we looking for him then?

EJ2: Well, EJ Team Leader, you'll recall a number of pajama-wearing troublemakers -- just like the ones whose wheedling fabrications resulted in your abrupt ... uh ... suspension of relations with the Network in '05 -- well, they're up to it again.

EJ Team Leader: Those bastards. What did I do this time?

EJ2: Nothing. It's Kathleen Carroll at the Associated Press. Apparently her people have been quoting this non-existent Hussein, and the bloggers sniffed out a scandal, and they're making our side look bad.

EJ Team Leader: OK, I'm with you.

EJ2: That's why, if we can find him, we can resurrect your career from the shambles ... I mean, we can create a more favorable environment for ... uh ...

EJ Team Leader: OK, OK, I get it. But how are we going to find this Jamil Hussein, if he doesn't exist?

EJ2: That's the beauty of it. All we have to do is SAY we found Jamil Hussein. But we have to protect him, because of, I don't know, death squads or something. So we blur his face, or put a bag over his head. But on his back, where no one can see, we tape a big piece of paper that says "JAMIL HUSSEIN." So when we point at him and say, "That's Jamil Hussein," we're actually pointing THROUGH him, at the sign, and it's like we're telling the truth.

EJ Team Leader: I like it, EJ2. But do you think the public, and more importantly, the boards of directors of either NBC, ABC, CBS or CNN will buy it?

EJ2: I don't think we'll have a hard time getting them to believe anything, sir.


NEWS FLASH: Don Surber thinks he's stumbled on photographic evidence of the existence of Jamil Hussein.

Flopping Aces has a little more on Team EJ: Eason Jordan and his shill. Not a stunt, says Robert Young Pelton, the stuntmeister of "World's Most Dangerous Places" fame, back before the entire world became a dangerous place. RYP apparently thinks Yarmouk is a no-go for the U.S. military.

Michelle Malkin rounds up a year of media infamy.

Jawa notes Reuters (staged) Photo of the Year

LGF tries to give credit where credit is due, but it isn't easy.

Michelle is serious about going in with Eason Jordan and doesn't like the jokes. Personally, I think embarking on an expedition to the corner store with this jackass is a bad idea. But its a free country. Eason agreed to Michelle's idea to bring "Curt of the flopping aces blog," as Eason squarely put it. Fool's errand, Curt. Accepting challenges from liars, cowards and other varieties of scum does nothing to enoble the cause or any of the parties involved. Last time I checked, this was the AP's problem.

Mediablog thinks this has the makings of a good sitcom. Well ... yeah.

Wonkette, however, is being unkind.

Ed Driscoll thinks Eason Jordan wouldn't ask if he didn't know the answer.